the scene takes place in a cozy, but not italian restaurant. a boy and girl are in the middle of a first date. the boy has had too much to drink as has the girl, but they appear to be having an excellent time.
the boy: i don’t know i think fame sounds great, but it does come at an awfully large price. i think when you hit that level of fame you lose a piece of yourself. i’d rather have a happy family and be the hero of that.
the girl: yeah, but to be a bob dylan of sorts – it has to be tempting. i mean he wrote songs that people all over the world know and relate to. probably the greatest song writer of all time.
the boy: wow, you are just amazing – i go out with so many girls, but i’ve never met one who knew so much about music. i mean a lot of girls know about sounds that i wouldn’t call music, but you really know your stuff.
the girl: (smiling with content) it’s hard being a girl and knowing about music. guys usually expect you to be dumb, and it’s not like I can talk to most of my girlfriends about music. they generally just like to listen to “something they can dance too.” they might know a little bit about the really big bands, but their knowledge is usually limited to a very basic understanding, generally based on the musical tastes of prior boyfriends.
the boy: it’s funny that you say that – the last girl i dated – about a month into dating she found out that her ex was gay. she always mentioned what a huge fan of the killers he was. your theory about girls, music, and their exes holds true.
the waitress comes by smiling.
the waitress: can i get you guys another drink?
the boy (somewhat drunkenly): bottle of red?
the girl (also drunk): bottle of white?
the waitress: whatever kind of mood you’re in tonight?
embarrassed laughter ensues.
the waitress: i’ll bring another of the “fruity” bottles you seem to have enjoyed so much. (as she speaks she holds up the empty bottle) the rate at which you drank this will excuse the worst joke i’ve ever heard. (the waitress walks away muttering to herself) “drunk assholes in love.”
the boy: that was about the lamest thing I’ve ever said.
the girl: yep (they both start laughing) i better not drink too much tonight, i don’t want you to see the donna martin in me?
the boy: is that like donna martin graduates, donna martin doesn’t put out, donna martin does put out, donna martin is chased by a stalker, donna martin gets caught in a fire?
the girl that was actually kelly taylor who got caught in the fire.
the boy: oh yeah – isn’t it amazing how much shit those people went through? it always amazes me on tv shows like that , that there has to be a definite message.
the girl: like what? if you drink you’ll get into an accident or get a dui?
the boy: zack morris, brandon walsh, dylan mckay – or if you have sex you will have a pregnancy scare , but not become pregnant.
the girl: again, kelly taylor, brenda walsh – I don’t think kelly kapowski ever had sex?
the boy: no, she saved all of her slutting around til she moved 90210, where she faked a pregnancy and thought she contracted the hiv – though of course she didn’t.
the girl: i’ve always found the buffy version of sex the best – after she sleeps with angel he turns evil – I’ve often found this to be the case with boys.
the boy: yeah, but in the end she stabs him in the heart and kills him.
the girl (sighs): every girl’s sometime fantasy.
the boy: eh, i’ll have to be careful around you…
the girl: just don’t go around biting other girl’s necks should we ever sleep together and i think you’ll be just fine.
the boy: deal
the girl: (excusing herself) i’m going to go the bathroom, be right back. try to remember how to be funny by the time i come back.
the boy: well the “fruity” wine should help with that.
the girl walks out of the scene to go to the bathroom. the boy sits with a smile on his face happy about how the date is going.
(flash to girl in the bathroom) – holding her crotch because she really has to go and there is a big line. finally she gets into bathroom and pees, taking out her phone to make a call.
(speaks to friend split screen to show the two of them talking)
the girl’s girlfriend: “hey – so how is he?”
the girl: “he’s actually really cool. he seemed so strange at first, but now that i’ve taken the chance to get to know him i think he is really nice and witty. i like him.”
the girl’s girlfriend: “how much do you like him? – if you like him don’t sleep with him tonight, no relationship has ever lasted when you fuck the guy the night you meet him.”
the girl: “i know but i am drunk and kind of want to. we’ll see how the night goes, but he seems really, really sweet.”
the girl’s girlfriend: “you fuck every relationship up like this – be smart for once if you really think this one’s a keeper. plus the sweet ones always suck at sex.”
(a loud knock on the door – “it’s a bathroom not a fucking social club”)
the girl : i’ll teach him a thing or two…he won’t know what hit him. anyway I gotta go – i’ll call you tomorrow.”
(the girl heads back out to the dinner table)
Posted by painfullyawkward 