anyway, it’s time for a little totally biased judge:



the issue: the wall street journal – though it will not make a huge impact on their bottom line or circulation it did provide me with a great deal of satisfaction to call the paper today and cancel the subscription i have had for the last three years. upon hearing of my cancellation customer service offered me a free month, which i declined. they then offered a ten dollar credit, which for all practical purposes is the same thing as a free month, i also declined. all of this was build up to the question i was waiting to be asked…”why are you canceling?” i began by explaining that i wouldn’t sleep well at night knowing that i was giving money to the murdoch family and concluded with further explanation that only the current republican and past nazi parties were more offensive to me. the woman on the phone thanked me and promptly got ended the phone call, wishing me a good day before the click. a good day indeed!

the verdict: subscribe to the financial times and/or the economist, they are just as good.

the issue: scott baio is 45 and single.

the verdict: i wish herpes on him. not for sleeping with so many girls, but for sleeping with all the girls that every guy who ever walked the earth wanted to!

the issue: it’s the second half of the season and the yankees are seven games behind boston.

the verdict: bring in the white trash white sox from the south side of chicago (hi susie!). it turns the game into an extended batting practice and is very fun to watch. somewhere an overweight fat slob grabowski’s tummy is a rumblin’!

the issue: the other day brother masson and i were busy revisiting our college years and trying to remember the songs that were popular at bubs our freshman year. we have already exhausted the samples, fredddy jones band, dave matthews band, big head todd, and donnie and 3j’s duet ‘let her cry.” we know there were more. sophomore year would be good too. i’m not so worried about junior, senior and senior (again) because by then they were all my songs anyway…suckers! i do wonder if pennywise’s ‘bro hymn’ is still played in champaign. note: (we did not discuss this over “o and o’s” comped by sick boy’s bottomless tab.

verdict: help us dj ru, you’re our only hope.

the issue: michael vick – he kind of reminds me of the rappers selected to be on the puff daddy empty-vee reality show “making the band,” in which they took a bunch of murderous thugs out of the ghetto and put them in a multi-million dollar west village mansion with the sole mission of recording a rap album that would be marketed by puff daddy himself. basically they were given a free pass to live out all of their dreams and instead constantly fought with each other to the point where their album and eventually the show was canceled. same thing happened with michael vick and he managed to mess it up pretty well. i would say the only justice would be for him to be forced to fight an equal size and strength death row inmate. loser dies winner gets to play quarterback for the atlanta falcons this season.

the verdict: what a bunch of animals. my grandmother has a name for people like this, actually a lot of grandmothers have a name for people like this…

oh…i get it. naggers!