i have to imagine that waking up having drunkenly enjoyed the better part of a quarter pounder meal late the previous evening is the closest i’ll ever come to knowing what it feels like the morning after having drunkenly slept with a prostitute or other undesirable person. though nobody ever got herpes from mcdonalds, theoretically it is conceivable to contract any number of diseases from the bathrooms and gross people who hang out there, not to mention the damage to one’s ego. should any of the readers on here (and i am sure there are none) have slept with either a prostitute or undesirable person and drunkenly enjoyed mcdonalds care to write 500 words comparing the two i will happily post it so people can see the similarities and be better informed about which action will make you feel worse in the morning.
i am now off to take the rare pre-work shower and then sprint to work after bench pressing my couch a few times. i will also avoid mirrors for the next 48 hours and skip breakfast which will allow me ample time to think about what i have done. after all, what self respecting nice jewish girl would ever make out with a guy who eats mcdonalds late at night?
